Growing Roots ~ Week 35
This week, I’ve learned to grow my roots deeper in Christ by grieving, relying on Him to steady me during this storm of sorrow. None of my loved ones have passed away recently. Nothing “bad” has happened. But yet I grieve.
August 31, 2019. A date that would seem insignificant to most people, but a day that signaled the end of a chapter of my life.
My teaching license expired on August 31, 2019. While I knew this date was coming, I also knew there was nothing I could about it. So the date came, the calendar turned, and I am no longer a certified teacher in my state.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 says “There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every even under heaven.”
My time as a certified teacher has come to an end. I didn’t think I would be so emotional or upset about it so it took me by surprise when I experienced a range of feelings and thoughts leading up to this date. But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense.
From a young age, I knew I wanted to be a wife and mother. Being a teacher was something I was planning to do until I became a wife and mother. And that’s exactly what I did! But when I was teaching, I learned how much I truly loved it. I thoroughly enjoyed making school fun for kids who learn differently from most. Seeing the “aha” moments were priceless. Watching parents get teary-eyed when they witnessed their child achieve the “impossible” are some of the most precious memories I will hold from my years of teaching.
But dreams end.
You wake up.
God calls you to different things.
I’m still a teacher, just not in a public school. I still teach my son every day. I’m teaching women in my church about the Bible. I’m instructing the youth in our church how to live Godly lives. I’m modeling how to be vulnerable and accountable in various groups throughout the community. Just because a piece of paper says I’m no longer qualified to teach a formal education setting does not mean that I stop teaching.
And while I found myself grieving the end of my teaching career, I also found myself grieving the loss of another phase of my life. My son is eight years old. While we had planned on having more children, God had a different plan and I found myself diagnosed with cancer. For seven years, I have grieved the end of my childbearing years. Most days, I’m quite fine with not having more babies. But every once in a while, this grief hits me again…much like it did this week.
I found myself surrounded by newborns and pregnant women this week and I was forced to grieve yet again that I will never birth more babies. This was a dream that was weakened by infertility and then shattered by unexpected health issues. This is a dream I thought I had let go of. But this is a dream that I will grieve again and again, remember that the sting hurts a little less each time.
Ecclesiastes 3:4 says, “A time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance.”
It’s a new season.
And I’m ready to make some changes.
I’m ready to turn my weeping to laughter and my mourning to dancing. I’m excited to see what God has in store for this new season of my life that doesn’t include teaching formal education or birthing babies. I’m blown away by how God has changed my dreams and shaped me into who He wants me to be.
From grief to gladness, I’m growing my roots deeper in Him.